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I'm in a great position going into indefinite isolation, because I get to read jokes, like this one from Malic White (@malicwhite), on Twitter all day, every day: "Any queer who makes it through quarantine without giving themself a weird haircut wins 9 lives." While some people are avoiding social media altogether to keep themselves from having a panic attack, over the past handful of years I have surrounded myself with comedians on every platform. And let me tell you, even in the midst of a pandemic these comics are WORKING. Lauren Harsh has been hosting a weekly virtual open mic called Cabin Fever. Scott Duff has been hosting his own cooking show daily on Facebook. Podcasts are recording remotely, talk show hosts are monologuing to empty audiences, and the hilarious tweets and Facebook statuses have been multiplying like bunnies. But in these unusual times, is it even OK to be joking? How can you determine if something is "too soon" when you're living in it every day? I reached out to some comics (virtually!) to get their jokes and thoughts.
"Interesting to learn that a global pandemic was the only thing that could cure my FOMO."
Five programmes feature in the pre-experience ranking for the first time. The highest new entrant is Lee Kong Chian School of Business at Singapore Management University. The school came second in terms of the international mobility of its graduates, and is the first school to feature in both pre-experience and post-experience rankings.
Samsung’s comment was shorter: “Media reports of the acquisition are groundless.”
Inventors Bryan Carpenter and Bland Hoke were inspired by their passion for the outdoors, and decided to come up with a creative way to bring their hammocks everywhere they go.
Alice Schwarzer, who has battled for women’s rights for years, is stunned that “an old-school sexist” like Donald J. Trump could win the United States presidency.
In 2002, Marc Cherry (the creator of Desperate Housewives) was watching the news with his mother in her home. The lead story on the news that day (and many days before) was the Andrea Yates trial. Andrea was on trial for drowning her five children in the bathtub. Marc turned to his mother and asked, "Could you imagine a woman being so desperate that she would murder her own children?"
"I think it's weird that everyone was calling it coronavirus and then suddenly some people started calling it the Chinese Virus. It's like if I woke up one day and people were just calling bagels 'Jew Bread,' but when I asked about it they got mad at me for not focusing on what's really important: saving all the people being killed by bagels. Like, oh, sorry, I'll go back to my job researching bagel vaccines instead of wasting my time on Facebook." (Don't know if that's any good, but I don't really have a place to try out new material right now . . .)
圣加伦大学校友的薪资排名第三，为114449美元（按购买力平价调整后），排在艾哈迈达巴德的印度管理学院(Indian Institute of Management)和印度管理学院班加罗尔分校(IIM Bangalore)之后，这两所商学院校友的平均薪资分别为116476美元和116094美元。圣加伦大学还在职业服务质量方面排名第一。
Brazil's President Dilma Rousseff, who is facing impeachment, slashed her own salary by 10% to $103,400 a year last October as part of a wider austerity drive.
vt. 为 .
（G.I. Joe: Retaliation）以及两部小规模电影，加起来在全球的票房收入总计13亿美元。
Moreover, a “turnaround in the short run is unlikely”, given China’s efforts to rebalance its economy from exports towards consumption (thereby reducing demand for imports of intermediate inputs), reinforced by “government policy to stimulate the use of domestic suppliers” and rising protectionism elsewhere, he argues.
4. Add Color
AMC频道的《广告狂人》(Mad Men)也是如此。该剧演到了第七季，剧中人物和20世纪60年代的背景似乎已被挖掘干净，不过它仍在让观众猜测结局，结局要到明年才播出。《黑道家族》(The Sopranos)结局模糊。《绝命毒师》(Breaking Bad)以沃尔特·怀特(Walter White)死去告终。现在，隐约显现的下一个电视谜题是唐·德雷珀(Don Draper)的最后时刻——究竟是死去还是活着。
"If all of these 'Social Distancing: Day One' meltdown posts don't encourage at least a few of y'all to foster a cat or dog over the next few weeks I am gonna be so dang disappointed."
For the full year, profits rose 3.3 per cent, the slowest growth since at least 2008, when Chinese manufacturers were slammed by the global financial crisis.
In a rigorous analysis of Dutch financial records, Koudijs and Voth conclude that the only real difference between the pessimists and the optimists was whether they had gone through a harrowing personal experience. Koudijs compares it to the behavior of people who lived through the Great Depression, and who avoided financial risk for decades after trauma had passed.
A mother has written a letter in defence of her 14-year-old son who is facing a lawsuit over video game cheats in the US.
We learned that there is new hope for Africans with treatable cancers.
The developer behind Kinect Disneyland Adventures and Elite: Dangerous is taking the theme park business to the extreme in ScreamRide. The game lets players build outrageous roller coasters, thrill rides and attractions from the ground up and then take them for a test run. The game offers three ways to play: Engineers can construct elaborate rides that test the boundaries of physics and g-forces; Scream Riders get on these rides and experience the thrills and spills first-hand – sometimes resulting in untimely deaths; and Demolition Experts can use any means necessary to tear down an entire amusement park. With classic PC games like Roller Coaster Tycoon now playable on smartphones, this next generation of thrill-ride creator is a welcome interactive experience. It’s always fun to build, ride and destroy roller coasters – and ScreamRide offers plenty of ways to share the thrills with your friends.
Jamie Shriner Biddle
"I ran a red light and the camera clicked, and I said out loud 'I guess that's what I get for trying to escape corona!' THANKS CORONA." (Not great for print.)
5. What are my core values? What is important to you as an individual? Is it family, health, spirituality, work, etc.? Make sure that you are living in alignment with what matters most to you.
Aoki-san is a pleasure to work withon storyboard. With Aoki-san on the team it feels like a sure thing. The visionof these animations will be perfect.
“I don’t think there are any companies that have survived big assaults from two of the biggest beasts in the hedge fund jungle,” says Ms Simpson of Calpers. “He is cool, calm and collected — the corporate exemplar of ‘Keep calm and carry on’.”
"As a lifelong hypochondriac, watching everyone freak out over coronavirus makes me feel so seen."
China's best performances by subject this year come from Tsinghua University, with three top-10 places, and Peking University, with two top-10 places. Tsinghua University finishes eighth in both Architecture/Built Environment and in Engineering (Civil and Structural). Tsinghua comes in 10th place in the world's Materials Science subject rankings.
Ryan P. C. Trimble
"Sex with me is like COVID-19: it happened in Europe long before it happened here."
Mainly, as always in comedy, you CAN joke about COVID-19, as long as you're not punching down. Like, am I going to joke about people suffering, or food shortages? No. I've already seen the community band together and do like, Skype open mics or stream canceled shows from an empty theater. I'm part of an improv group called Frogprov, which improvises in French and English, and we were supposed to have a show at iO at the end of the month. We're now discussing the possibility of doing the show but streaming it live from someone's living room after we've all quarantined for two weeks and know we won't spread it to each other. Like, COVID-19 isn't a person. It can't hear our words. That we know of!
"Kevin Costner is a dad who is ALL WORK and NO PLAY whose kid gets sick a lot and whose wife passed away five years ago from a *vague illness* but when a new virus is sweeping the nation, his high-paying important job doing BUSINESS goes REMOTE quarantined with his son who he's been estranged from since his wife's passing and the nanny who can't go home because of lockdown kevin costner's first concern is making sure his BUSINESS stays in BUSINESS but as the days in quarantine go on, this makeshift family won't just find new ways to pass the time... they'll find each other -Quarantine Quality Time (2021), dir. by Steven Spielberg"
But this has begun to feel less like a relevant statement about what women want now and more like a retreat; an assumption, which I would characterize as false, that the past is a safe place to dress.
《广告狂人》对时装的影响体现在品牌的发展当中，例如香蕉共和国(Banana Republic)就推出了《广告狂人》系列（这个系列是与该剧的服装主管贾妮·布赖恩特[Janie Bryant]联合设计的），而且很多心照不宣的地方在设计中更加随处可见：裁剪和印花，褶边和接缝；它的影响渗入了在秀台上普遍存在的一种鲜明理念：如果你缺乏灵感或者产生了审美怀疑，就去回顾60年代吧。
8. Greenland sharks live for a very long time
Most popular vehicle
Programming these same signals into artificial human limbs would give amputees replacement hands unlike anything we've developed before.
Singer Susan Boyle came undone -- literally, when her trousers popped open at a soccer match as she waved a Celtic fan above her head in Scotland. The "Britain
Of the graduates to have been through the scheme, 42 per cent have not persisted with teaching. But Teach First says even those who have left the profession remain loyal to the programme’s values.
The artefact which has a flat base was found inside an ancient tomb in the Xuyi County in western Jiangsu in 2009. It has been kept at the Nanjing Museum the capital of Jiangsu Province.
You`d love to know the balance of forces that shape and move your ponytail, right? That`s why Joseph Keller, Raymond Goldstein, Patrick Warren and Robin Ball received this igNOMINIOUS prize!
"If only we had just called #MeToo '#SocialDistancing' maybe it wouldn't have gotten as much pushback."
According to file-sharing news site TorrentFreak, "Game of Thrones" has an estimated 5.9 million downloads per single episode. That number does not include online streaming and cyberlocker downloads, which would make the figure significantly higher. By contrast, "Game of Thrones" has an estimated 5.5 million TV viewers per single episode。
Tongzhou was designated as the site of a new administrative center for the municipal government to help relieve the current heavy pressure on public services in downtown Beijing, where the central government is located.
Miranda Lambert “Bathroom Sink” (RCA Nashville)
"We'll start with a broad list and then begin to narrow it," Podesta told the Boston Globe. "But there is no question that there will be women on that list."
"Coronavirus is right though, I really do need to stay in and save money."
We learned that nothing brings people together like the sun hiding behind the moon.
Wang, the chairman of Dalian Wanda Group, took the top spot with a personal fortune of $32.1 billion, the report said, despite Ma seeing his wealth surge 41 percent from 2015.
8. Smart bottle opener
Holly Hunter reportedly keeps her best actress award, which she won for her portrayal of Ada McGrath in the 1994 New Zealand film, The Piano, at the New York offices of Joel and Ethan Coen. It sits alongside the statue Frances McDormand won for her role as the heavily-pregnant local police chief with the insatiable appetite, Marge Gunderson, in the Coens’ 1996 film Fargo.
而其他的队伍还有在尝试赢球的。小牛队，在3-13的战绩面前，骄傲地说他们不会垫底。但是，明年被认为是近年来最好的NBA选秀，有Markelle Fultz, Jayson Tatum, Lonzo Ball, Josh Jackson, Harry Gile, OG Anumoby, Ivan Rabb……等等优质球员。
The enterprise storage company boosts company morale by hosting a mid-summer "Dog Day". Employees bring their pets to work and enjoy a vendor fair (local groomers, store owners, and trainers are often present), as well as a doggie talent show. A raffle runs the week leading up to the event, and all proceeds are donated to a local animal charity.
联系方式：Kathy Michalove, Seaboard Properties, (860) 535-8364; seaboardpropertiesre.com
Total Program Cost: $176,600
戛纳电影节素以质问与嘲笑著名。在本届电影节上，《青木原树海》（Sea of Trees）成为第一部遭遇观众挑剔的电影。该片由格斯?范?桑特Gus Van Sant指导。在媒体放映场，《青木原树海》遭遇嘲弄的风暴，陷入了嘘声之海。由于这些发生在首映红毯前，恶评迅速传播，使得盛典蒙上阴影。娜奥米?沃茨（Naomi Watts ）和 马修?麦康纳（Matthew McConaughey）走上红毯时，《每日电讯报》（Daily Telegraph）形容此场景为“极其糟糕却又引人瞩目的羞辱之途”。但是在随后的新闻发布会上，马修?麦康纳，这位来自德克萨斯的演员表情坦然，“每个人都有权倒喝彩，正如他们有权喝彩一样，”他说道。我相信我们都知道他的意思。
而传统主义者诸如乔治·克鲁尼（George Clooney），他因影片《逃离德黑兰》（Argo）获最佳影片奖以及在影片《辛瑞那》（Syriana ）中获最佳男配角，他的奥斯卡奖杯放在家中的书房。达斯汀·霍夫曼（Dustin Hoffman）曾在1980年因影片《克莱默夫妇》（Kramer vs. Kramer） 、并在九年后因影片《雨人》（Rain Man）两次获最佳男主角奖，也将其奖杯放在书房中。
"A friend of mine asked what I thought of The Irishman. Let me tell you—too long, hard to finish, and required way too much focus than I anticipated. From now on I'm stickin to Scots and Englishmen."
5.Bryan Cranston was a Murder Suspect
Among the amenities spread through its three terminals are two 24-hour movie theaters screening the latest blockbusters for free, a rooftop swimming pool and a butterfly garden.
Christmas arrived on schedule for the U.S. auto industry as a spurt of sales put the wrapping on a surprisingly successful year. Analysts predicted that sales in December could hit a seasonally-adjusted rate of 17 million, which would be the first month at that rate in nearly six years. That would push 2013 sales up to a robust 15.7 million units.
7. Pumping Iron Could Enhance Long-Term Memory
"Ah fuck, now I gotta actually clean with all these wipes I got?"
China has been making progress in terms of prevention and control of AIDS, said Wang Bin, an NHC official in charge of disease prevention, during the press conference.
Countrywide, month-on-month prices rose in 62 out of 70 major cities last month, were unchanged in one and fell in seven.
Autonomous cars: Researchers are working on devices that will automatically park your car in a parking lot without you being in, or near, the car. It will also slip a note under the wipers of the car next to it with your phone number and insurance carrier in case of any scratches.
Here’s the full list:
Spending on medicines in "pharmergingmarkets" will rise more than 50 percent over the next five years, ThePharma Letter said, citing IMS.
Among French schools, Toulouse Business School made the best progress, up 14 places, after featuring in the Executive MBA ranking for the first time.
Morocco is a gateway to Africa. Major tourism cities in the North African kingdom include the capital of Rabat, Casablanca – the country's largest city - Marrakesh and Agadir.
"My boyfriend has been casually teaching me Jiu jitsu and now is scheduling 'classes' daily. I bought all these brownies for the lockdown and I'm being forced to exercise."
It's weird, I'm getting more opportunity to write, which I wanted but I asked myself today, "If I don't want to write about coronavirus, what else do I wanna write about? Is anything goofy funny right now?" As of now I'm going to continue to write and trust myself. Laughter always prevails! v